JavaScript is Super Sexy

»sept. 6 2012 11

JavaScript is super sexy, mature, and stateful; it has an attractive frontend and a firm, kick ass backend. It is svelte and versatile, and its functions are dynamic.

It is affectionate to both hardcore pros and virgin noobs; it is even inviting to those who lack the prominence of programming know-how or the prestige of a CS degree. Yep, even you can get down with JavaScript, no matter who you are—designers love JS, developers love JS, hackers love JS, and Code Academy has thousands signing up for a date with JS.

Attractive Frontend Package
JS has an irresistibly sinful frontend with a mocha aroma that underscores its passion. It has a node, it is angular; it has a spine and a backbone for its curvy corners; its agility is a knockout; and it can impress with its thick sproutcore that recently shaved to a desirable, lithe ember. Also impressive are its jade smile and its robust jQuery abs, which make for exciting fun when it does express, if you prefer it that way, or when it bootstraps with arduino, for the adventurous type.

JS is agreeably the future, particularly with the advent of HTML5 and the simultaneous, ironic ‘dysfunction’ of Flash. As the chosen language of the web, it will be hot for some time to come, this is evidenced by its recent ubiquity, meteoric rise, and modernizr upgrade.

JS Has Secrets

While JS’s sex appeal is obvious, curiously, we do not know JS’s gender. But we do know…ahem, JS does both Jasmine and JSON, separately. And we cannot be fooled by its rainbow color—this is not a clue. Fortunately, JS’s gender is inconsequential and is best left a secret.

We also do not know JS’s age, because the algorithm to calculate programming languages’ years (how their age is calculated relative to that of a human’s age) is one of the secrets of the universe. But with JS’s sprightly assets and attractions noted above, it is safe to say no one cares about JS’s specific age, since we already know it is “stateful and mature” and most definitely at least a young adult—we know this from its well grown packages, frameworks, and thorough documentations accumulated ever since its creation.

Not to worry, JS is not a senior citizen. Notwithstanding the couple of wrinkles on its ear lobes, which are actually birth marks or negligible defects (see Crockford’s JavaScript-The Good Parts Appendix B: Bad Parts), JS is not even middle-aged yet—its youthful vigor is a giveaway.

Programmatic Proof of JS’s Sexiness
Note: The following code is a contrived example, it is purposely meant to be “sneaky” JavaScript (see paragraph below):

var sexy, 
    JavaScript;
function sexy() {
return this.sexy ? ("ugly. Rails is HOT.","Sexy!") : "no Python.";
}
JavaScript = { 
    sexy:sexy, 
    is:function (sexAppeal) {
    sexAppeal = true;
    if (!arguments[0]) {
        console.log("JavaScript is " + this.sexy());
    }
} };
JavaScript.is();

As you can see in the example code above, JS can be subtly sneaky, therefore, you must learn its idiosyncrasies before you get too involved with JS. You can start off with a date with JS by reading How to Learn JavaScript Properly. And if you don’t understand the example code above, you definitely should learn JavaScript properly.

This new JS blog will try to help you learn JS and help you improve your JS skills, so you can confidently handle JS like a master, as you use it to make your projects contemporary and appealing. JS cannot help your personal sex appeal, however. But if you are a hacker, designer, or programmer, you already have sex appeal, just be careful and use it wisely.

11 Comments

  1. JackP

    This is probly the best thing I read all year. Hilarious!!!. I don’t understand the code.

  2. Richard Bovell (Author)

    JackP, I am glad you like the post and that you find it funny. I do plan on discussing the code in a later post that will discuss some of JavaScript’s quirks.

  3. Christophe

    Thanks for this initiative. I will try to follow your lessons diligently and rigorously.

  4. vcamargo

    I think most of the times people just need an incentive, a small push, a reason. Someone supportive and kind, someone wise enough to share his knowledge, a person who extend a hand and walk with you, side by side, that is what you’ve been doing here. Thank you!

  5. dexter

    hey, i know a little english, so i can’t understand every words. but i think the roadmap you provide is very good.

  6. ChelBot

    This is hilarious. As a lady, I am glad you made JS gender neutral. It greatly added to my appreciation of the humor. Well done sir. :)

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